Not quite and other ramblings

I decided I needed some changes around here. Not sure I like this look but it's better than the tired old pink I had before. I guess it's a work in progress.

I kind of fell off the wagon this morning..one foot was dragging the ground but I managed to pull myself back on. I was starving this morning and I was sure when I dropped my kids off at my parents that my mom would have something delicious for breakfast. Nope. Nothing cooked when I got there. She's always making stuff like biscuits and gravy or pancakes (bunnys with chocolate chip eyes for the kids ). Nothing done today. So I had no breakfast. As I said I was starving but I'd made a promise to myself that I wouldn't get fast food for breakfast or lunch. Sadly I had a breakfast burrito today. But! it was just a junior size! And I got a Healthy Choice thingie for lunch. I wanted to cave and go get a greasy cheeseburger but I resisted. Yay me. But I do feel bad about the burrito, but I was starving, man!

I could feel myself sliding down the slippery slope but I managed to hang on. I kept reminding myself that the scales show less weight than the last time I weighed, and I'm sure cutting out the fast food breakfast and lunch has helped that tremendously.

But now writing about food has me starving again. Frown.

I survived

I did it, I survived the banquet. I went by myself which I hate to do. I hate going to the store by myself so this was a big deal. I got there and saw several people I know but no one I know well enough to just plunk myself down by. So I got my plate and tried to sit somewhere out of the way. Of course I ended up sitting right in front in a very obvious spot. Loser sitting alone. Finally enough people got there that they had to sit at my table.

A nice man and his wife sat by me at first then someone I know a little(a customer from work)came and sat by me. I was doing fine during the awards part until I had to pee so bad I knew I wouldn't be able to wait until it was my turn to go up front. So of course I had to walk in front of everyone to get to the bathroom.

I was still doing fine sitting there....thinking, Ok this isn't so bad I can do this. Then as it got closer and closer to my time to be in the spotlight my heart started beating faster and faster. It felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. LOL Then it was my turn. I knew the first person to get an award, she's a customer. The posing for the numerous pictures was kind of awkward. Then the next guy came up...I kind of know him, I've at least met him before. Again, posing for pictures was weird. I hate getting my picture taken and I hate fake smiling. My legs were shaking I was so nervous.

Being in front of around 300 people is almost more than I could take. But I did it and I'm proud of myself. It was good exposure for my work and also for me. Plus my boss really appreciated me doing it.

And the winner is.....

Tonight I am really stepping out of my comfort zone. Out. Like in the next hemisphere out of my comfort zone. Not quite in to orbit, but close.

My boss has donated some money to buy/sponsor awards at a banquet tonight. It's to honor conservation efforts in our county. He will not be available to hand out the awards so guess who gets to do it? No, really, guess?!? Me!!!

I will be standing in front of who knows how many people shaking hands and posing for pictures. Oh my. Oh and shaking hands. That's enough to give me a seizure just thinking about it. The only saving grace is that I don't have to speak. Someone else will be announcing the names I just have to give the awards. Just have to give the awards, I make it sound like it's no big deal. It's a big deal to me.

I was going to say no, I couldn't do it. But then I had a talk with myself and thought Good grief woman, you are almost 40 years old!!! Buck up and just do it.

So tonight I will smile and shake hands like the professional I am. Ha!

Day one (or would it be two?)

I have decided that I have GOT to lose some weight. I'm miserable. I can't walk with out pain and getting winded. I'm so out of shape it's embarrassing, really. I know I'm fat, I don't think I'm a blubbery mess or anything yet. I'm jiggly for sure, but I'm so weak physically I'm starting to get worried for my health and my future.

I've started trying to cut out the fast food which is a huge problem for me. I work out of the home and I hate packing a lunch so I just grab a burger or whatever. Besides being expensive it's killing my health......so I've decided to start bringing my lunch. Now, what I bring might not be the best but it has to be better than McD's, right? And breakfast at home too.

I'm not Catholic, so we're not big in to giving up stuff for Lent but I've done it before. So...I figure I'm giving up eating out for lunch for Lent. Giving up my bad habit, does that count?

I also ordered a work out DVD that I got yesterday. I did it yesterday afternoon when I was home with a sick girl. It was HARD. The exercises were not that hard but I was panting and sweating. Wow. It was bad. Now of course today I'm sore. Not too sore but the longer the day goes on the more sore I get. I have to do this, I have to stick to it.