Friday, October 29, 2010

I love this picture

I don't know why exactly but I love this picture. I found it when I got M's digital camera pictures loaded on to the camera a few weeks after dh died. It just stopped me in my tracks when I saw it.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Well, sometime in the last few days I had a great idea for a post. Something thought provoking and poignant, I'm sure. And today? Damned if I can remember what it was. So I'll just go with a post saying I'm OK.

The kids are OK. Sometimes I worry that they are too OK. Is that possible? I've tried to keep life as much the same as I can for them. We still tease, we still laugh, we still watch our favorite shows on tv.

I worry that I've done too good of a job on that. Neither one of them really talk about him at all. If I bring him up they will smile about a fun memory or say they miss him if I say it first. But they never bring him up first.

I'm going to have them both talk to the school counselor. At least once to make sure they are not having problems that I can't see. I talked to both of their teachers at parent teacher conferences Friday and neither one of them have noticed any problems at school. Both kids are getting A's and B's and have not behavior problems in the class room.

M's teacher told me something she had overheard at the beginning of the year. A friend of M asked her how things were at her house since her dad was gone. M answered "my mom makes it ok". I hope she's right.

Monday, October 18, 2010


Have you ever laid in the bathtub while the water was draining out? Stayed in until the water was completely gone? You feel like you weigh a thousand pounds. Like there is a force pushing you down and it's hard to get up. Like gravity is 10 times as strong holding you down.

Yeah, I've decided that's what grief feels like. Some days I feel like I'm being crushed with the weight of it and if I laid down it would be next to impossible to get back up.