Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas is over

We had a good Christmas. The kids were very excited about it so that helped. If it wasn't for them I don't think I would have put up a tree or anything.

It's been a tough day for me. I skipped church and have basically laid around the house all day. I do that every once in a while, somedays I just can't be bothered to get dressed and get out of the house and deal with people. Ok, so I'm dressed, but not for public viewing. :) I'm in my flannel pants and t-shirt.

The headstone was set Thursday. I went out to see it and it was NOT what I was expecting. I'm not sure if it's as bad as I think it is or not. I was very shocked to see how different it was that I just took a picture with my cell phone and left. It was such an emotional thing to go out there then to see it not like I was expecting just threw me for a loop. I talked it over with my mother in law and sister in law. They both see what I don't like but they both said they liked it. I don't know. I was going to try to go back out to the cemetery today but I coudn't do it yet. Plus I need to take the kids out too. I wasn't in a place mentally where I could deal with it so I didn't. It will still be there when I'm ready.

I still miss him so much it's like missing part of myself. Even now it's still hard for me to believe that this has actually happened. I think maybe I'll eventually wake up from this nightmare.