Wondering why

Why did he have to die? Why did he have to die in front of me? Why did I have to go to the hospital and see the love of my life sprawled out dead on the table? Why did my dad have to see me saying goodbye to him? Why am I 38 and a widow? Why are my kids 11 and 6 and without a daddy? Why did I have to ask friends and family to be pall bearers? Why did I have to do laundry so he would have socks and underwear to be buried in? Why did I have to kiss him one last time before the casket was closed? Why am I going to have to take care of this place without him? Why will we not get to have a 25th or 50th wedding anniversary party? Why has my mother-in-law had to bury her only son and her husband? Why do I have to sleep alone? Why will I never get to feel his kiss or smell his scent again or feel his whiskers when I kiss his cheek? Why are there so many assholes who live forever and great guys like him die young?