Monday, December 26, 2011

Pity Party

So, I'm having myself a pity party that last few days. It's Christmas and I miss my husband so very, very much. Don't get me wrong, I miss him every second of every day. But I've been missing him more than ever now.

It seems like things would be getting easier and in some ways they are but in others they are worse. The initial shock is gone. The dust has settled from the bomb that went off in our lives July 11, 2010. But after the dust is settled you can see how bad the damage really is. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be responsible for every decision of every day that affects my kids lives. I don't want to be responsible for the house. I don't want to have to call someone to come level the house that has settled in the extreme drought we had this last summer. I don't want to walk outside and know that I'M the one responsible. We've got 5 acres which isn't that much really, for around here. I feel like the world is on my shoulders sometimes.

Ok, I got off track of my whining for a minute. Wes always spoiled me at Christmas. I miss that. God, that sounds shallow. But I miss having him around for little things like that. I just miss HIM.


Robin said...


jessica said...

You are ENTITLED to whine. I didn't have the additional responsibility of being a mom to school-age kids, and my hat is off to you that you can get thru any day AT ALL. And yes, holidays are the worst. It is not shallow to miss your hubby and the things he did or bought for you at this love-showing time of the year. My husband was like that, too - we would start Christmas shopping, and the first thing he would steer me towards, was some attractive piece of clothing that he thought would look good on me. Missing the hugs is tough. Hoping that you make it thru this time okay. I am on Facebook, if YOU ever need to talk.

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