School is back in session here. The kids went back today and according to them all went well. I was a little nervous about them going back and having to possibly deal with kids asking them about their dad. Not that I thought any kids would be cruel but kids are curious and even teachers might want to give hugs and whatnot. But they both said the day went fine.
There is one problem for me, however. Bedtime. Lately, the kids and I have been staying up late. Very late. O usually fell asleep first then M and I would stay up watching tv or playing on the laptops until we, ok I, couldn't stay up any longer and then go to bed or couch. Well, last night M slept in her own bed and went to bed about 10. O also slept in his bed and went to bed a little after 10 when he got out of the shower. This left me at loose ends. I wasn't tired by any means and I hate to go in the bedroom unless I'm ready to drop. I went to bed because I didn't want to leave the tv and lights on in the living room and disturb the kids but I did not like it one bit. In fact, it was after 1 before I fell asleep and I had to get up at 6:30. That made for a long, tired day.
But yet, here I am again putting off going to bed. I hate going in there, even in the daytime but nights are the worst. Then mornings are the worst when I wake up. My SIL said recently about how she will wake up and it takes a minute to realize what's happened. Yeah, no. I wake up and the first thought I have is "he's gone". It's instant and constant and relentless.
4 comments:
xox
Much love coming to you from New Hampshire. I don't get on the computer much in August but I'm thinking of you constantly.
Maybe you can find a way to change the bedroom to make it feel as right as it can now that he's gone. Your bedroom should feel safe and comfortable, despite the grief it evokes. Maybe a body pillow would help fill the void a tiny bit. Maybe a photo of Wes by the bed, if you don't already have one, maybe a candle and a nightly remembrance ritual would help. I know none of this is enough...but you've got to find a way to get your rest. hugs.
Rachel from Washington State
Thanks guys.
Rachel, Wes slept with a body pillow and I've been sleeping with it too now. Once I get to bed, I can sleep it's just making myself go in there. He collapsed in the bedroom and that's what I see/feel everytime I go in there.
Now that school has started we are all a lot more tired so it's actually getting easier to go to bed, at least it has been so far.
Kim
Kim, I could NOT fall asleep for months after my husband died. So (based on advice from a friend) I would take a half-caplet (the hard tablet, not the soft capsules) of a generic version of Benadryl. It at least GOT me to sleep. Of course, I did not have the memories associated with the bedroom that you are dealing with. BTW - it helps if you take the caplet about 45 minutes ahead of bedtime.
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